Saturday, December 26, 2009

A Christmas Music Miracle

We all know that music can be a very age-specific experience.  What was fresh and new and powerful to one generation usually bugs the shit out of the one preceding it.  What is calm and serene and hushed to the youngest generation is ridiculously noisy and painful to the older crowd.  There are the groups and sounds that seem to last forever, and run alongside each new generation allowing them to feel like the horribly downtrodden, ignored, and misunderstood geniuses they all are.

But sometimes, music just reaches people because it rocks.



I've been a fan of the group, that according to their frontman was never meant to be a group, since 'Big Me' was everywhere on MTV (you know...the days way back when MTV played music).  My oldest son, now three, sings and screams and drums along with Dave, Taylor, Nate, and Chris to a half dozen of their songs.  We'll watch their videos on TV or the lovely computer that brings you this strange blog from time to time, and the boy is there with me, dancing, asking where Taylor is, shouting, and loving every second of it.

So, cut to a few days ago.  The video for 'Wheels,' a new track from their final album is available, and I turn it on.  The drums start pounding, the guitars crackle and slide to life, and my youngest son, now seven months old and comfortable on my lap spins to the TV.  His mouth opens, the pacifier falls, he starts bouncing on my lap, and it happens.

He smiles.  He looks at me, then back to those fellas making the beautiful noises and laughs.

The Foo Fighters are legends in our house.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Sky is Falling

(the views expressed herein are not necessarily the views shared by the author's management and subsidiaries, whomever they may be)

The Apocalypse is close.

But not really.

The 'End of the World' phenomenon seems to spread like wildfire and cause nearly as much damage.  It leeches onto the film and television industry first, seeking the widest audience possible by including as many attractive people avoiding explosions, aliens, diseases, and famine, all the while wondering what they could have done to prevent this tragedy.  If they had only watched the television a bit more and heeded the words of Nostradamus, the Mayans, the Atlanteans, Merlin, or Chicken Little maybe there would be a logical way out of this nightmarish future of death and decay.  Some more recent examples of a world facing destruction:

-The Terminator series future
-Bedknobs and Broomsticks (just kidding. this movie makes my skin crawl)
-Independence Day
-Deep Impact
-Armageddon
-The Happening
-2012
-The Road

I've certainly left quite a few off; these just came to mind.  Earlier examples would include The Day the Earth Stood Still, Mad Max, and others of that sort.

I could be mistaken, but of recent memory this topic seems quite cyclical.  Several years of normalcy, puppy dogs and ice cream, followed by a year or two of everyone going batshit crazy.  I remember news footage of piles of burning animal carcasses teeming with Mad Cow Disease, the Y2K mess, numerous Mayan, Incan, or Egyptian calendars telling us our turn was over, global pandemics, shortages of the Tickle-Me-Elmo doll, killer bees, and nuclear war if Matthew Broderick couldn't beat the computer at Tic-Tac-Toe.

I think we're all going to be fine.  The theme plays so well in fiction due to the fact that it allows for the emergence of heroes, love, and humanity.  It entertains the cliche that even the smallest, forgotten characters can make a difference in preventing the world from splitting in two and letting the planet's tasty cream filling ooze into the cosmos.  As a people, we've made it through real pandemics, built bunkers during the cold war, and watched the sun rise on the morning of January 1st, 2000.

Things might get weird, or downright scary.  But ultimately...I think we'll be fine.  Blind optimism, you may say.  That's fine with me.  You can wring your hands and line the bunker with another layer of lead, but I'll be inside with my lemonade wondering what is keeping the Nuggets from a legitamate shot at an NBA title.

(But I already know the answer to that.  The Black Mamba.  Maybe he'll retire one of these days...)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Christmas Heroes (continued):

2.) Clark W. Griswold


A sentimental favorite that I thought long and hard about placing in the top spot.  Clark was the one hero who suffered through the worst of the Christmas horrors: lighting disasters, ruined dinners, sewage explosions, tree incinerations, the squirrel, the elitist neighbors, and the throngs of cranky or meddlesome family members.  However, in so battling, Clark realized that as much as he tried to make everything perfect, being with the ones he loved on Christmas was the true gift.

Lastly...

1.) Ebenezer Scrooge



Portrayed here by George C. Scott (my favorite film version of the character), Ebenezer Scrooge stands atop the list due to the magnitude of his personal journey, as well as the cultural impact he would have on all Christmas tradition that followed.  Originally seen in 1843, I'd venture that there are few people who haven't heard the name 'Scrooge.'  Guided by ghosts on Christmas Eve, his journey inward forced him to shed the life of avarice, solitude, and pessimism that was slowly killing him.  At the story's conclusion, Ebenezer rediscovers the meaning of charity and love, and awakens on Christmas morning to a new life.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Christmas Heroes

Christmas has been pulled from the maw of destruction many times in my life by many different people.  The list can be exhasutive, and the films are all an indelible part of many family's traditions.  Linus VanPelt, George Bailey, Kevin McCallister, Kris Kringle, John McClane, and Scott Calvin were some of the brave few that have held the spirit of Christmas together in spite of the curmudgeons hell-bent on ruining everything.

However, there five individuals whose sacrifices and battles have made them gods in the Christmas tradition (please note that this list is not a ranking of which film or story is the best...just which heroes are more legendary):


5.) Ralphie Parker

 

He battled tirelessly against a belligerent squad of elves and their dismissive Santa, Scut Farkas and Grover Dill, soap poisoning, and "the soft glow of electric sex in the window," all of which threatened to steal his focus from acquiring the greatest gift he would ever receieve.  The weapon that would keep the rest of us safe, and sustain our hopes for the perfect Christmas.

4.) The Grinch





Naturally, any line delivered by Boris Karloff sounds more majestic than any voice we can conjure while reading the print version of the story.  And so, we get one of the most iconic lines from any of the heroes on the list:  "He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore.  Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!  Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.  Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more."

3.) Buddy The Elf



While Buddy initally focused on finding his father and learning how to cope in the chaos of the human world, the dark magnitude of his true battle wasn't felt until late in the film.  Perpetually hopped up on a diet of candy canes, candy corns and syrup, Buddy realized that he wasn't trying to inspire his father to get back on the the 'Nice List,' but to return Christmas Spirit to those jaded, cranky New Yorkers.



The final two spots will be revealed later, neither or whom are Francis Xavier Cross or George Bailey.  Who could it be...?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

In Rockville: The Fight

Much to his mother's dismay, the boy was in the poolhall again.  It wasn't that she didn't want him to play, she was just perpetually nervous about him playing there.  His father introduced him to the game, the hall, and the men who frequented the tight, smoky place last year, and her son was immediately enraptured.  He didn't give a whit about the meandering conversations of the adults, nor the beer that was served in the dim light behind him.  His father told him that anything that happened there other than pool was none of his business, and that was all he needed to know. 

His heart was given over to the plush green felt of the pool table and the smooth, glassy finish of the smallest cue on the rack.  He was prone to pet the table before he began, a boy hopelessly devoted to his puppy.  And even then, years before high school, the boy was good.  Damn good.  His vision was sharper than any adult, his stroke was smooth and certain, and he smiled to himself the entire round.  The men would gather and watch him blaze through a round of nine-ball, and shake their heads as he embarrassed someone at the snooker table.  His prowess at the table and whispers from his father most certainly kept him shielded from anything crude or dangerous in that place.

It wasn't until he didn't see a fight that he realized that there was an entire world that stood at his back, watching him play.

It was a Friday night when the men from Monegaw Springs stumbled into the poolhall.  The boy labored at a game of straight pool with the only man who could provide good competition.  He was in his early sixties, bald, and the largest man in Rockville.  He wore denim overalls without a shirt during the day when he worked his fields, so his skin was a taut chestnut leather.  He grunted and smiled as he played the boy, his ferocious gray eyes following the movement of the balls, and he rarely spoke.  People called him Boss.

Boss was in mid-stroke when the door slammed open.  Three young men stood in the doorway, one of whom staggered mightily.  He shuffled and crashed and barked his way to the bar for a drink while his two friends lingered in the entrance, embarrassed.  Boss stood and watched the man, and the boy followed his friend's eye.

The bartender wasn't giving the man a drink, and The Man From Monegaw was not happy.  The curses that slogged from his mouth were thick and wet, and the boy was immediately nervous to hear the threat of violence that accompanied those words.  The man slammed his hand on the bartop, and spun around to face the customers.  "I can whip any man in Bates County," was what he said.  The boy remembers the encounter precisely, but not for the young, drunk intruder.  He remembers it for what happened next.  Boss laid his cue down softly on the table and shook his great tanned head at the boy.

Boss spoke.  "That's taking in a whole lotta territory."

The drunk's eyes glinted and he nodded at the old, bald man.  Boss moved to the door, and the group disappeared behind the door into the night.  The boy noticed that the poolhall was silent and the men looked at one another and shook their heads with the terrible knowledge of what was to come.  The boy flinched suddenly at the sounds in the alley behind the hall.  Muffled grunts, a chuckle, and a thump against the wall of the building that shook the cue rack.

Boss stepped back through the door, pointed for a beer.  Outside, a car door slammed and the engine howled as it sped away.  Boss placed the knuckles of his giant, meaty hand against the icy mug and moved back to the table with the boy.  He smiled.  "Your shot, kid."

The boy didn't remember seeing the Man from Monegaw ever again.


Thursday, December 3, 2009

More From 2009

(To continue from before...)

Movies:
There was a time when I was able to see a movie each week, so I had many more to choose from for a list such as this.  Alas, seeing a movie a week is no longer the case.  I'm not a cynic that thinks mainstream cinema is getting progressively worse, but it is getting progressively more expensive...thus the massive cutback.  So, the lists follow for several catergories.

Top Five of 2009:
"District 9"
"Zombieland"
"I Love You, Man"
"Funny People"
"The Hangover"

Absent from my list are the year's "art" films, period pieces, and overly depressing stories that, to be honest, I have no patience for.  That, or the independent theatre is too damn far from my house or too damn expensive.  But of the list above, I was very thankful for those five films, for I enjoyed them all immensely.  I'm not going to give a comment for each, as I really don't want to bore the hell out of anyone.  But maybe I already have.  Damn.

The Two Worst Movies of 2009:
"He's Just Not That Into You"
"The Men Who Stare at Goats"

Not much to add here.  Both were painful.

The Four Movies That I'm Looking Forward To In December, Of Which I'll Hopefully See One:
"Invictus"
"Crazy Heart"
"Avatar"
"Sherlock Holmes"

Best Food That I Finally Tried And Now Love:
Avocados.  What in the hell was I thinking?  I always shied away from them due to being mildly afraid of their texture because I was a pansy.  Now, however, whenever they're an option they're on my plate.  I'm still a bit nervous about guacamole, though.  I've tried nibbles of it, but the whole thing looks like a big gob of vomit.  Maybe next year.