Thanks and No Thanks

The Thanksgivings of my youth were not atypical.  There were usually swarms of family and naturally we couldn't all fit at one table, so many of the diminutive folk were shooed to the rickety blue folding table.  The goddamned Kid's Table.  They always tried to make it sound special and unique and fun, dress it up like the other tables, but the rickety-ness was never corrected, and we were never out of eye or earshot of the Others.  And damn if they didn't try to cram as many of us into the square thing, thereby resulting in something spilled or broken, hurt feelings, and glares from the Other Table.

Though we were banished, two small consolations had been implicitly granted by the governing Others.  We could put whatever we wanted on our plates, and we could play Raise Your Hand If.  Therefore, my plate usually looked like this:
-rolls
-whatever Jell-O concoction was present
-some shreds of turkey, but not so much as to take up valuable roll space
-mashed potatoes with a small pond of gravy in the middle
-more Jell-O
-rolls

We all learned to whisper our questions, lest we become too noisy and attract unwanted attention.  "Raise your hand if you like the cranberry thing."  "Raise your hand if you like John Elway."  "Raise your hand if you want to go outside and build a fort after we're done."  "Raise your hand if you think the kid's table is stupid."  Strangely though, there was usually one adult who sat with us.  At first I assumed that they had broken some sacred pact with the Other Table and were thereby reduced to our pitiful status.  It was only a few years ago that I learned the truth of the adult-at-the-kid-table phenomenon.

The adult table is lame.

They just...eat.  And pass and clink things.  We actually got to eat what we wanted without getting weird looks, and playing Raise Your Hand If is just incredible.  So, here's to the Kid's Table this Thanksgiving...all you at the Other Table can just mind your own business, thank you very much. 

Some additional items for which I am thankful this year, and some I'm rather not thankful for...
Thanks:
-Dinner rolls
-Fried turkey, so long as a house is not burned down in the process
-Nice Thanksgiving weather that allows us to play football, whiffle ball, or climb the sleeping trees
-My family and friends, of course
-Maintaining the mashed potato wall so the gravy doesn't spill out and get on everything else and ruin my entire damned plate
-Hope
-Generosity
-The Macy's Parade
-The magical, seemingly instantaneous arrival of the trees in the Christmas Tree lots
-Someone who is loved more than they will ever know
-Non-stop Christmas music on the radio for the next four weeks
-Hopefully seeing people fight and slap each other for something trivial on Black Friday
-Dinner rolls

No Thanks:
-Deviled eggs that ruin the otherwise beautiful assortment of food
-Any potato salad that ruins the otherwise beautiful assortment of food
-Pointless football games that involve the Lions that I still feel compelled to watch
-Surly family members who need a slap in the teeth
-Glaring at the Kid's Table
-Black Friday sales that begin any earlier than 6am
-That mad rush of people to form the food line when it's time to eat
-The chocolate French Silk pie
-The pie with the meringue that slides off like a snot when you touch it with a fork