"Pay no attention to that man..."

behind the curtain."

(If you're still be reading this nonsense, I thought it fair to finally include a bit more personal information about me.  In so doing, perhaps it will grant you some insight to the pathways that meander through this odd mind and clarify the purpose of this exercise.  There will be several glimpses behind the curtain, and as always, I will pull the curtain back at times of my own choosing.)


That Which Terrifies:

To begin, it really wasn't my fault.  My father told me that I could watch, if I felt "up to it."  What am I going to say?  "No thanks, Dad.  I'll pass on this movie with the explosions and screaming and fighting and robots and slink away to my room to cry in a corner."  So I sat down next to him and watched a phenomenal car chase.  Things were exploding, and yes, the shouting continued.  Suddenly, this massive Semi truck, which I'm told contains the bad guy, is aflame and the chase ends.  But...wait.  Why is that door opening?  What the hell is going on here?

Oh, that's just an evil robot walking through fire to kill some damn lady who's just been knocked up.  Thanks, Dad.

A few weeks later, it seems now, my sister and mom are watching some music video that apparently I'm not allowed to watch due to 'The Terminator Nightmare Fiasco.'  I peek around the corner, and she turns the television off and just stares at me until I leave.  I turn and go.  But not really.  I'm far too clever for these confounded adults and their music.  I hear my sister whisper something to my mom, they both chuckle, but I don't even care.

I can see the television now, and I can hear the music.  It's night, and there are people dancing in the street, and I recognize the voice singing!  Wait.  Something isn't right.  Oh goddammit...

Seeking the final blow to my fragile psyche, the television and the evil cabal of adults in my house conspired to ruin Halloween, which seems was mere days after the zombie incident.  The movie was already on, and I just happened to wander in at the worst possible moment:

I just couldn't catch a break.  Absolutely none of this was my fault.  Honest.

Apart from the images above that were permanently scorched behind my eyes, the man behind the curtain is actually terrified of many legitimate horrors that exist in everyday life.  A list of a few of the more prominent, and regularly recurring fears follows:

-Snakes (yes, even the little ones).
-The bite of a Brown Recluse spider.
-Mayonnaise.
-Being buried alive.
-Being dropped in the middle of the ocean.
-Being trapped in close proximity to someone with rancid body odor.
-The Blair Witch.
-Papercuts between my fingers.
-The headlights of cars passing down my darkened street at night.  You know you always ran and hid from them, too.
-Sour cream.
-Rhino Beetle Larvae.  Bear Grylls ate one of the damn things.  And no, I'm not posting a picture of it because it would ruin my day.